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Tim Weah Is Still Here

Lille's US midfielder Timothy Weah celebrates after scoring a goal during the French L1 football match between Dijon FCO (DFCO) and Lille (LOSC), at the Gaston Gerard Stadium in Dijon, central France, on December 16, 2020.

All Hail Daniel Podence, The Premier League’s Reigning Short King

Daniel Podence of Wolverhampton Wanderers celebrates with teammates Romain Saiss and Pedro Neto after scoring their team's first goal during the Premier League match between Wolverhampton Wanderers and Chelsea at Molineux on December 15, 2020 in Wolverhampton, England. The match will be played without fans, behind closed doors as a Covid-19 precaution.

Rooting For Sheffield United Must Suck Incredible Amounts Of Ass Right Now

Oliver McBurnie of Sheffield United is fouled by Kyle Walker-Peters of Southampton during the Premier League match between Southampton and Sheffield United at St Mary's Stadium on December 13, 2020 in Southampton, England. A limited number of spectators (2000) are welcomed back to stadiums to watch elite football across England. This was following easing of restrictions on spectators in tiers one and two areas only.

Neymar Is Finally The Best Player In The World

Paris Saint-Germain's Brazilian forward Neymar (C) is challenged by Istanbul Basaksehir's Turkish midfielder Mahmut Tekdemir (back) during the UEFA Champions League group H football match between Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) and Istanbul Basaksehir FK at the Parc des Princes stadium in Paris, on December 9, 2020.

‘La Grande Bouffe’ Knew Exactly How To Make Arthouse Accessible: Lots Of Fart Gags

Defector At The Movies

Screenshot of a scene from La Grande Bouffe, with Michel Piccoli holding a cow's head.

Romelu Lukaku Has Put Inter On His Back

Inter Milan's Belgian forward Romelu Lukaku celebrates after they scored during the UEFA Champions League football match Borussia Moenchengladbach v Inter Milan in Moenchengladbach, western Germany, on December 1, 2020.

Eden Hazard’s Time At Real Madrid Is Only Getting Bleaker

Real Madrid's Belgian forward Eden Hazard leaves the pitch during the Spanish League football match between Real Madrid and Deportivo Alaves at the Alfredo Di Stefano stadium in Madrid, on November 28, 2020.

Lionel Messi Pays Homage To Diego Maradona After Scoring Goal

Lionel Messi of Barcelona celebrates after scoring their sides fourth goal while wearing a Newell's Old Boys shirt with the number 10 on the back in memory of former footballer, Diego Maradona, who recently passed away during the La Liga Santander match between FC Barcelona and C.A. Osasuna at Camp Nou on November 29, 2020 in Barcelona, Spain. Sporting stadiums around Spain remain under strict restrictions due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in games being played behind closed doors.

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Barcelona Is A Total Mess, But At Least Sergiño Dest Is Killing It

Barcelona's US defender Sergino Dest (C) scores a goal during the UEFA Champions League group G football match between Dynamo Kiev and Barcelona at the Olympiyskiy stadium in Kiev on November 24, 2020.

Tottenham Has Found Its Missing Ingredient

Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg of Tottenham Hotspur celebrates following his team's victory in the Premier League match between Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester City at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium on November 21, 2020 in London, England.

Phil Foden And Jack Grealish Are England’s Least English Stars

Phil Foden of England celebrates after scoring their team's third goal during the UEFA Nations League group stage match between England and Iceland at Wembley Stadium on November 18, 2020 in London, England. Football Stadiums around Europe remain empty due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in fixtures being played behind closed doors.

Modern Soccer Was Invented For Erling Haaland To Destroy It

Erling Haaland of Borussia Dortmund scoring his teams second goal of the game during the UEFA Champions League Group F stage match between Club Brugge KV and Borussia Dortmund at Jan Breydel Stadium on November 04, 2020 in Brugge, Belgium.

Marcus Rashford’s Hat Trick Was A Ball-Striking Fetishist’s Wet Dream

Manchester United's English striker Marcus Rashford (L) scores his team's second goal past RB Leipzig's Hungarian goalkeeper Peter Gulacsi during the UEFA Champions league group H football match between Manchester United and RB Leipzig at Old Trafford stadium in Manchester, north west England, on October 28, 2020.

Watch Ajax Hogtie VVV-Venlo, Strap Them To A Rocket Ship, Launch The Ship Into Outer Space, Load Up Another Rocket With Nukes, And Fly The Second Rocket Into The First, Causing An Explosion Of Gory Radiance The Likes Of Which The Eredivisie Has Never Before Seen

Ajax' Dutch forward Klaas Jan Huntelaar (C) scores the 0-10 goal during the Dutch Eredivisie football match between VVV Venlo and Ajax Amsterdam at De Koel stadium in Venlo, south-eastern Netherlands, on October 24, 2020. - Ajax won 13-0 against VVV Venlo, the biggest victory in the history of the Dutch championship.

Real Madrid, Once The King Of Europe, Is Now Pure Ass

Raphael Varane and Carlos Casimiro of Real Madrid look dejected after conceding a third goal during the UEFA Champions League Group B stage match between Real Madrid and Shakhtar Donetsk at Estadio Alfredo Di Stefano on October 21, 2020 in Madrid, Spain.

Harry Kane Is Back On His Bullshit

Harry Kane of Tottenham Hotspur celebrates with teammates after scoring his team's second goal during the Premier League match between Tottenham Hotspur and West Ham United at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium on October 18, 2020 in London, England. Sporting stadiums around the UK remain under strict restrictions due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in games being played behind closed doors.

Coronavirus Is Once Again Coming For European Soccer

Portuguese fans wearing masks await the kick off during the international friendly match between Portugal and Spain at Estadio Jose Alvalade on October 07, 2020 in Lisbon, Portugal.

‘Hollywood Shuffle’ Brought An Independent Spirit To Black Cinema That’s Become All Too Rare

Defector At The Movies

Hollywood Shuffle

Barcelona Just Signed Sergiño Dest (He’s American! Seriously! An American! On Barcelona!), And I’m Losing My Mind

Sergino Dest #18 of the United States drives against Jonathan Osorio #21 of Canada during the CONCACAF Nations League match at Exploria Stadium on November 15, 2019 in Orlando, Florida.

Ansu Fati Has Barcelona Looking Back To The Future

Ansu Fati of FC Barcelona smiles during the La Liga Santander match between FC Barcelona and Villarreal CF at Camp Nou on September 27, 2020 in Barcelona, Spain. Football Stadiums around Europe remain empty due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in fixtures being played behind closed doors.